It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
