i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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