I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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