have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
