girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
