is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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