so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
