I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Fuck appropriateness.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
