she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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