I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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