At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
