I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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