Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
