At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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