is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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