ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
