Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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