Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
