Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im six kinds of drunk right now
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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