I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize