he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
