do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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