I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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