Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
