i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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