Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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