Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
