would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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