speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
