I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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