You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
