I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
