you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
