dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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