I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize