I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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