True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
