No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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