I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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