i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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