the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
