I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
