Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
