Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
