this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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