how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
