At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
