According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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