I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
