I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
