Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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