the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
