if you like me you must not know who I am
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
