Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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