I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
