Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
