chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
