I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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