As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
