At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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