Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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