In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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