I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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