Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
