Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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