she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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