you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
