He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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