I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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