I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
