Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The uberlube is also flammable
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
