When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
