Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
