Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize