Quick, to the slutcave!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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