i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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