It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
