we're blogging at a bar
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
