question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
