I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
