just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
