i was born a porn star she said
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
