new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
