Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
