i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
