U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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