Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
