whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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