ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
