sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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