My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Randomize
