Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
