I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i think i have two assholes
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize