i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
