so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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