and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
