is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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