I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
