He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
